Love which changed my life

It was her last day at New Delhi and we were returning to Jalandhar. It was so hard for her to take the trip. She worried how to say it to Sunny and didn’t cognize in what way he would take it. It was the most terrible moment she could ever experience. For every mile of the journey, her heart raced with different thoughts, what Sunny would think about her. She hated her visit to her home for the first time and was repenting to me. After reaching she introduced me to her home and went inside in a quick while. I could understand she was in sorrow. Her guiltiness slapped her face and mine too. It was since 3 years she left Sunny to do her management studies. She repented for getting in a relationship with me now. But circumstances led so. She knew about Sunny and how he would apprehend the situation. After all she was in love with him for 2 years and indeed, she was extremely happy with him at that time. Her expression of guilt would make him anguished rather than cool him down. I agree it was her mistake but her guilty conscience didn’t accept it. She has to apologize to him. Or we both will be condemned with the sin of his love.

We were tired of the journey and the inner contemplation. She slept and said she would message him the next day. She wanted to articulate from her point of view. She knew it was iniquity but wanted him to comply with it. She thought he would have got a new valentine and so that forgot her. There was no chance he would know about her relation with me. And he didn’t.

She made the mistake and she wanted her inner wit to prospect to remorse to him. Next day, she sat with me and typed a message

“Hi Sunny. I came to Jalandhar today. How are you doing..? Hope so well. Just wanted to meet and speak something important to you. Can you come to Wonderland theme park tomorrow. Sharp at 11 o clock”

She used a facebook messenger which had no word limit. But her culpability had. She thought what he would think about reading a message after years of hardship.

He saw the message 27 minutes after she sent, but he didn’t reply. I could feel what he was undergoing that his muffled heart hasn’t spoke to her in years. She waited for the reply. But he didn’t. She switched off her mobile and went to sleep.

She waited for the reply.

She willed herself to not check her phone to see if he had replied. It had been about three days now. She hated that she was constantly checking his 'last seen at' status and yes, he had logged in just five minutes ago. Yet she couldn't stop herself. This sinking feeling to find absolutely no communication from him was becoming unbearable, almost torturous.

And then, just as she sat down in her chair, her phone vibrated. With her heart thudding in her ear, she unlocked her phone and stared at the screen. Finally! It was his message. But when she opened it and read it, she nearly stopped breathing. She didn't know if he was joking or not. What was this?

I was at first shocked after seeing her weird signs. I starred at her and she passed the mobile to me and it read

“Hey Shalini. I saw your message and I couldn’t reply. How is your studies going..? I saw your photos in facebook and anticipated you are happy. Good luck with your new boyfriend. And I too have a girlfriend now. So don’t worry about me. I am happy and wish you too. It’s better we could avoid meeting each other resulting in bitterness. Take care.<3”

I was taken aback by the message from him to have such an amnesty. I saw her weeping in deep sorrow. I could feel the pain in her heart. She was sobbing and I couldn’t digest it. I went near her and patted her shoulders. She said he had not compassioned her rather gave her a hint of emotional delicacy. She wanted to meet him. My heart pounded not knowing what to do now. The only way to make Shalini happy was to elucidate things.

I couldn’t find where he lived. So I thought it would be better if I could ask his family about him. I gave a visit to his family and his sister was at home that time. She recognized me as I entered. Maybe Sunny had said about me to her. She never showed her brother’s sulked furiousness or the embarrassment or grievance which I brought to the family. Probably she would have thought from my perspective and understood the whole situation. She started to say what happened

After seeing her pictures in facebook with you, his hope on her broke and a year later coincidentally his friend joined there. He made calls every day to know about her to his friend. And in a short while a heart breaking news came that you both were in a relation. He said to Sunny whatever has happened. He couldn’t cheat his friend. Sunny’s frequency of calling him was limited after that. He understood she was no more hers. He spoke limitedly to everyone in the family. After a few months he said to me that he got a girlfriend and was becoming serious in her. Eventually he wanted to stay away from us. He wanted to stay alone and shrewdly made a fight with the family. He left home a year ago and he never spoke to us after that. At least he is happy in that way. So I didn’t interrupt him. He loved me more than anyone in the family and left the home by sliding a bit of paper in my pocket.”

She passed me the paper and it read

“Dear sister, I am sorry to leave you. I will meet you in your marriage”

A wave of sorrow and guiltiness slashed my heart. I didn’t expect this much would happen. I don’t want to sit there and embarrass his lovely sister. I left the place and returned home. Shalini was waiting with a ray of hope longing for him. I said what happened to him. She was mourning for her mistake. I couldn’t empathize her feeling as I too was guilty of the mistake. I took a corner and waited for her to get out of the emotional sickness. After half an hour she stood up and starred at my eyes. She came and gave me a tight hug. The warmth of her body made me feel more close to her. She held me for more than a minute and I took back. She sat down next to me and glared at my eyes. Her eyes were like a pearl dipped in a sea of sorrow. She took my chin up and said she wanted to talk to him. She still loved him. Fortunately I meddled in between them. It made me convicted.

She was built with a strong endurance in herself and said she wanted to find him. We had no idea whom to ask. I interrogated her whether is there a place he visits often to do things say like a bar he drinks or something else. She thought for a moment and said that before a long while, he buys fruits from a shopkeeper named Imam bhai and visits often his shop. I thought maybe we could ask Imam bhai about Sunny. She agreed in a combo of both sorrow and a hint of excitement as we were nearing him.

We went to Imam bhai’s shop and asked him to have a cup of coffee with us. I said him the about the proceeding and he took a look at Shalini and asked whether it was her. I nodded in silence. He starred and shouted at her. He said

” You know how much he loved you. And you left him without any reasons. He left his family and is staying outside now. He comes here every evening to buy fruits and talks about his love on you. After some days he stopped coming here and I asked why. He said he was busy with his new girlfriend. Masha Allah. Maybe he is happy now. Better go and deplore your mistake now”

Shalini’s tears increased by every word of Imam bhai. I crossed my hands across her and stood with her. She dropped her head on my chest and cried. Her tears touched my shirt and too my heart. I asked for his house address for him. He said he comes around 5 ‘o’ clock in the evening sometimes. We left the place. She said she will go every day at the same time and wait for him. She didn’t want me to come there. I accepted. That evening she left home saying she is going to see him. It was 8 ‘o’ clock but she didn’t return home. I went in search of her and found her at a park. She was sitting in the grass sobbing. I went and patted her shoulder. Her eyes twinkled in the moon’s light dripping with tears. I sat next to her. She turned aside and hugged me. I could feel that something intense and dreadful has happened. I kept my hand on her head and waked her. She starred in my eyes. I couldn’t control my deep distress for her. She said

“He came there and I went near him. He didn’t notice me or maybe he acted like that. I spoke to him and he looked at me and kept his hands on my cheeks and started to mourn. We sat in the chairs nearby. He said he was depressed as I left him and he couldn’t figure out what was the reason. He said some months later a girl with same characters like me proposed to him. He went for a relation with her, and they stayed together. He said he never wanted to meet me again as it increased the bitterness between both of us. He left by placing a kiss on my cheeks. And after walking a while he turned right and shouting alone. He then spoke to himself and left. I couldn’t figure out what happened to him and I approached his home without his knowledge. I peeped through the window and saw what he was doing. I was pulled down by his behavior. He was living with an imaginary character. He took a bowl of food and fed as someone is present, dropping the food down. He took two blanket and left to his room. He was living with an imaginary character. He noticed and called me inside. He cried alone. I went and gave a tight hug to him. He said he was suffering from schizophrenia and people called him mad. He was living with an imaginary character and she had all the characters of mine. He couldn’t leave her and so he stayed alone. Doctor advised him to get treated so that he could stay away from that character. But he didn’t want. Doctor has informed he could be a threat to others. So he stayed alone.”

The feeling she had had come out in the form of tears and words. She laid her face on my shoulders and was mourning in deep sorrow of the wilderness. I let her be. I never wanted her to be like this. I stayed genuine. I asked whether she wanted to stay with him. She was taken aback. She came forward with an inch distance between our lips and said “I don’t want to lose you too. But I want to meet him for one last time.” We walked a mile to home and slept in tiredness.

The next day we started at 10 o clock to see Sunny in his home. It was an ancient building with large area fenced. We pressed the doorbell. It was absolute silence in there. The door was locked inside. My insights thought something drastic has happened. I went near the window and peeped in to see. My heart collapsed and I trembled for a second. I couldn’t believe what happened. She came running after seeing me in such a manner. I pulled her head not to see it. But she pushed me away to see. A grave silence attacked us. She burst in tears yelling over. He hanged himself in a ceiling fan. His eyes popped outside and his tongue rolling over. I went to the main door and broke it. I took him down and put him on the floor. He had a letter in his pocked making it visible to anyone. Shalini read it with her tears rolling. She collapsed and fell down after reading it. I caught her by my side and made her to sit. A sense of terror circulated in the room. I pulled it from her and it read as

Dear Shalini, I know you will come to see me. The disease I am suffering from is killing me. I fell in distress when you left me 2 years ago. And definitely it is not your fault. And this disease helped me live for some time but later not. After your visit last night, I couldn’t get out of the trauma and thought of staying with you again. But people say I was a threat to others. And my inner heart from yesterday said to come to you but my lover whom others call her as an imaginary character said to kill you as you were interrupting in between us. I did everything what she said before. But my heart never said to do it. But it was irresistible. I couldn’t control her and her words. So the only way now was to exit. I wanted to quit rather than being a threat. I am leaving Shalini. Bye. Take care of him. -Sunny

I succumbed after reading such a letter. It broke my heart and hers too. I asserted never to do such a mistake like this. I couldn’t suppress her feeling. We called the police and they registered a suicide case against him. She went into a state of shock for almost a day. Her affection and tenderness for him assaulted herself. She became a little normal after two days and we left the home. We went to our home so it could bring her some disclosure from the previous thoughts. She loved him intensively, more than anyone could ever. Regret and grief stabbed her heart. And still, she loved him forever…….

Love which changed my life . . .

Preface